Pants? Where we are going we don't need pants

location: UTB student union

mood: confused

music: Bioshock by Rod

In my short life I have heard the term friends with benefits several times. Mostly from the lips of my better looking friends.
I always tought that being a friend with benefits would be something fun, interesthing, mayve even daring and "cool".

But today that I have reached that status... I don't think so anymore.
I feel happy ofcourse, but sad that she only wants to be friends with benefits.
I feel dirty or cheap, as I let myself become just a friend with benefits when what I really want is a commited relationship.
I also feel acomplished because I manage to convince a girl to actually be around me and be more than simple friends.
But most of all I feel confused, because.. I am not really sure what she thinks or wants out of me.
Is she just toying with me? Does she actually care about me? Am I just something to spend her time with?
Is she pitting me?
I don't know, all I know is that.. Im gonna keep being.. whatever I am to her.
So as I enter this new stage of my life called a friend with benefit.. I shudder and I ask myself.. what the fuck?

Tags: friends with benefits

Posted at 08:06 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 1 comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Posted at 11:37 am | Link | Leave a comment | 1 comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

location: My bedroom

mood: blank

music: +/- Bang the drums

As I sat i the cold steps infront of the Tandy building of my university I wondered about the old saying "Things happen for a reason". Now, It is quite normal for me to wonder about stuff like that, but I think the fact that I was being stop up by a friend to go to another friends weeding was what made me think that.

And probably my friend did not stood me up, maybe she did not see me, or got earlier than me and assume I was not coming. But I was still in that cold, wondering about crap, when all I wanted was to sleep a few more hours.

This, like most things nowadays made me wonder about my past relationships. Ruby, Lucero,, Tiare and Amanda... The ways I had met them...

I met Ruby when I was working as a camp counselor for a summer camp. I was 15, she was 18. I had been trying to talk to another girl who also worked on the camp for a while, but she was currently mad at me. This had made me be somewhat depressed and silent. To not bore anyone who actually manages to read this with details, by the end of the day Ruby had Kissed me, and that kiss is capitalized for being my first one.

Lucero was also a similar story, Boy goes to party, boy is ignored by girl he likes, boy goes to the dancefloor, girl looks at boy, instant connection... kinda.

Tiare.. well I think Tiare is the exception to my rule.. tho our relationship if one can call it that wa rather short.. Maybe someday Ill talk about it.. maybe.

And then we have Amanda... I could write a book about what happened beetween me and Amanda. Maybe one day I will, my relationship with Amanda had all the things for a good story, romance, drama, love affairs, suicide treaths, more drama, and all of this happened online. Yes, yes, I spent 9 months of my life with a girl over the internet, and there may be many things I regret about my relationship with her, but I still remember the good things.

I think I lost my point.. if I ever had one.
If you kept reading this.. Im sorry.
And if for some reason you actually enjoyed it then there is probably more to come if I ever have another bad day and I feel like putting my life on the net for millions of pornbots to see.

Posted at 01:42 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 1 comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend